I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
