I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
