You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
