Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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