overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
