I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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