I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
