OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
