I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
