Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
you guys were way drunker than both of me
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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