would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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