I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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