"it" just moved
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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