i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
