I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize