you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
What changed your mind?
Being sober
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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