nut hugger
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
