4 words: hood of his car
I cut my penus on the lid.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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