every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
