he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
