i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
organizing the empties. That sober.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
