i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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