girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
