You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
