Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
