with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
