i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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