Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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