My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
