I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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