and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
