Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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