Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
