I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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