how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
