i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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