I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
