Porn is love you can see.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
