foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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