i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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