I wish I could punch you in the face.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
