Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
