You kept calling me your small dog last night.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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