this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
