What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He shit in the fireplace
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
