What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
