who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
