ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
