I can't watch pbs sober anymore
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize
