They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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