So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
