Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
