When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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