I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
