Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize