I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
