I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize