in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
