Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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