Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
