I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
