I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
