And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
