And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
