I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
