His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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