Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
