Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
