Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
